The Unofficial Smilie Dictionary

:-)   Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or
      joking statement since we can't hear voice inflection over Unix.

;-)   Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark.
      More of a "don't hit me for what I just said" smilie.

:-(   Frowning smilie. User did not like that last statement or is upset
      or depressed about something.

:-I   Indifferent smilie. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite as
      good as a happy smilie

:->   User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-).

>:->  User just made a really devilish remark.

>;->  Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.

(-:   User is left handed

%-)   User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight

:*)   User is drunk

[:]   User is a robot 

8-)   User is wearing sunglasses

B:-)  Sunglasses on head

::-)  User wears normal glasses

B-)   User wears horn-rimmed glasses

8:-)  User is a little girl

:-)-8 User is a BIG girl

:-{)  User has a mustache

:-{}  User wears lipstick

{:-)  User wears a toupee

}:-(  Toupee in an updraft

:-7   User just made a wry statement

:-[   User is a Vampire

:-E   Bucktoothed vampire

:-F   Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing

:-*   User just ate something sour

:-)~  User drools

:-~)  User has a cold

:'-(  User is crying

:'-)  User is so happy, s/he is crying

:-@   User is screaming

:-#   User wears braces

:^)   User has a broken nose

:v)   User has a broken nose, but it's the other way

:<)   User is from an Ivy League School

:-&   User is tongue tied.

=:-)  User is a hosehead

- - -:-)  User is a punk rocker

- - -:-(  (real punk rockers don't smile)

:=)   User has two noses

+-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office

`:-)  User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning

,:-)  Same thing...other side

|-I   User is asleep

|-O   User is yawning/snoring

:-Q   User is a smoker

:-?   User smokes a pipe 

O-)   Megaton Man On Patrol!  (or else, user is a scuba diver)

O :-) User is an angel (at heart, at least)

:-P   Nyahhhh!

:-S   User just made an incoherent statement

:-D   User is laughing (at you!)

:-X   User's lips are sealed

:-C   User is reaally bummed

<|-)  User is Chinese

<|-(  User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes

:-/   User is skeptical

C=:-) User is a chef

@=    User is pro-nuclear war

:-o   Uh oh!

(8-o  It's Mr. Bill!

*:o)  And Bozo the Clown!

3:]   Pet smilie

3:[   Mean Pet smilie 

E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator

:-9   User is licking his/her lips

%-6   User is braindead 

[:-)  User is wearing a walkman

(:I   User is an egghead

<:-I  User is a dunce

@:-)  User is wearing a turban

:-0   No Yelling!  (Quiet Lab)

:-:   Mutant Smilie

|.-)  User only has one eye

,-)   Ditto...but he's winking

X-(   User just died

8 :-) User is a wizard

C=}>;*{))  Mega-Smilie... A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft,
                          a mustache, and a double chin

:)  Midget smilie

:]  Gleep...a friendly midget smilie who will gladly be your friend